Loose Ends
by xoxonessie
Summary: "Tony followed her voice to her bedroom and he would certainly have walked in there with a dozen "inviting me to your bedroom already?" jokes if the sight of her open, half-filled suitcase on her bed hadn't made him feel like someone had just poured a bucket of ice cold water on his head." Somewhere between 10x24 & 11x01. Just trying to tie up some loose ends here.


**Loose Ends**

It was pouring rain - which was quite unusual at this time of year - and Tony would have gladly blamed the terrible weather for his inability to get out of his car but he had to be honest with himself: the only thing stopping him right now was simple, plain, ridiculous fear. He felt like a teenager again. Hell, he hadn't even been that anxious when he'd asked pretty, popular, cheerleader captain Rebecca Smith to prom. He felt hot and his palms were sweaty, and he was pretty sure his heartbeat had lost the concept of regularity. He shook his head and laughed dryly at himself. When was the Gibbs-slap when you needed it the most? He was probably overthinking the whole thing. 2 weeks of unemployment and too much free time on his hands were starting to take its toll on his sanity, as one thought led to another, keeping him awake at night and making him reconsider all his life choices. Last night had been one of those, and suddenly here he was, at 9PM on a Friday night, parked in front of Ziva's apartment complex, slightly dazed by the loud noise of raindrops on his car, waiting for something – courage or maybe was it pure madness – to kick his butt into action.

The providential boost he was so desperately hoping for came in the form of a text, the sound alert of which made him start on his seat.

"_Are you waiting for my doorman to bring you an umbrella Tony?"_

Ha. He'd been made. _Of course_. And now it was too late to turn around and forget about this crazy idea.

He exhaled loudly as if to give himself some self-cheering, got out of the car and ran across the street, trying to avoid getting wet as much as he could.

Her front door was open when he got on the fourth floor, feeling like he had just run a half-marathon - only his relentless partner would have chosen to live on the fourth floor of an elevator-less building. He stopped for a second to catch his breath, wiped his feet on the doormat and walked in.

Tony was welcomed by an empty yet very tidy living-room. Leftovers from Ziva's favourite sushi place and a cold cup of tea sat on the coffee table where her computer had been left open, displaying a website page for travel bookings. Tony frowned in confusion as a not-so-pleasant feeling settled in his stomach.

"Ziva?"

"In here!", she shouted from down the corridor. Tony followed her voice to her bedroom and he would certainly have walked in there with a dozen "inviting me to your bedroom already?" jokes if the sight of her open, half-filled suitcase on her bed hadn't made him feel like someone had just poured a bucket of ice cold water on his head.

"Going somewhere?", he managed to blurt out, pointing at the pile of unfolded clothes and discarded toiletries, trying not to sound too alarmed. Yet.

"Uh yes." Ziva appeared from the inside of her closet, pushing back a stray strand of hair from her face, and dropping another few items of her wardrobe in the piece of luggage. "I was actually about to call you about this, but since you are here…" She shrugged and started to fold the mess of clothes in front of her.

Tony had not moved from where he was standing since he had first entered the room and was patiently waiting for her to develop on the subject. But she was taking her sweet time and he just had to know.

"So?" He sounded more curious and almost suspicious than he intended but the uneasy feeling was growing, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could stand her nonchalant attitude and obvious disregard for his concern.

Ziva put the shirt she was holding down and put her hands on her waist. She paused, looking at her feet, and sighed briefly before looking up to him.

"I am going to Israel for a while. There are some loose ends I have to knot, family things, you know?"

She must have known he wasn't going to like it because her voice was soft, embarrassed almost, and she was now looking at him with an expression that seemed to beg him not to make a big deal out of this. Unfortunately for her, he was too tired, too surprised and too confused to indulge her.

"Please tell me you're kidding." She kept on staring at him in silence, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. That didn't look good for his kidding theory. "You're kidding right?" He was dead serious and trying to remain calm but he could feel himself starting to panic.

"Tony. I know what you are thinking b- "

"I don't think you do." He cut her short, his voice sharp and grave.

"Fine. Tell me, then!" She threw her arms up in the air, obviously annoyed at his reaction and it only made him want to push her more. He knew it was not the healthy, friendly, mature way to do it, and it was certainly not the way he had wanted things to go between them tonight, but he couldn't help it.

"Mmh. Let me see…" He pretended to be thinking hard about what he was going to say, tapping his index on his chin, looking at the white ceiling of the room. He could hear her sigh and stomp her feet. If he had been looking at her, he was sure he would have seen her roll her eyes too. "Oh yeah, I got it!" He exclaimed, catching her attention. "Going there always messes you up and then it's _months_ before you get back to normal. And that's when you _do_ get back."

He was the one staring at her now, trying to convince her with his eyes that he was right to worry and that she was a fool if she thought this time would be any different. _Especially_ this time.

"Tony." She exhaled through her nose and took a step towards him. She was going to sweet-talk him into accepting her decision and he knew it. He decided to focus his gaze on his feet, as not looking at her deep brown eyes seemed like a much safer option at the moment.

His determination was smashed to pieces when she took his hands in hers and gave them a gentle squeeze. The unexpected gesture made him look up at the face suddenly standing mere inches away from his.

"I will be fine." Ah, it'd been a long time since he had last heard these words from her. He couldn't help rolling his eyes at her usual "go-to" answer to his concern. She pulled on his hands to make him look at her again. "I will. I promise. I know things have been…. tense….. lately and that I may have given you the impression that I did not know how to get my life back on track, but I can assure you that I do. And I need to do this. Please understand?"

She was looking at him with pleading eyes, and he knew she wasn't trying to manipulate him, she honestly wanted him to believe that she knew what she was doing. Gosh, he hated it when she looked at him like that because it made him lose all resoluteness and he just wanted to give her anything she asked for until she smiled that gorgeous smile of hers and they could pretend that everything was right in the world again.

"I do", he conceded. "But let's just say that you don't really have a great track record of positive Israeli experiences. I do have reasons to be concerned."

"It is different now. There is nothing left for me there. I have nothing there worth staying for."

A glint of sadness flashed in her eyes and Tony wondered what it must feel like to think of your homeland as a place that doesn't have anything for you to miss anymore. He knew how proud she was of her roots and her culture, he knew how much she loved her country and how hard it had been to renounce all ties to it when she became an American citizen. He also knew how much heartbreak and disappointment came from her time there, and how many painful memories tainted her few really happy ones now. He couldn't imagine what another trip there would do to her when she was already so broken.

Ziva let go of his hands and went back to her packing before Tony could think of the right thing to answer.

"And besides, I will not be gone for long. A couple of weeks at most. I do not wish to spend more time than necessary there."

"Sure. Because we are _so_ busy here at the moment, having no job and everything." He shot her a smile that was meant to both lighten up the mood and show her he understood.

She let out a laugh at this and nodded in agreement, still focused on the task at her hand.

Tony leaned on the doorframe and watched her. Something still didn't feel right. His gut spoke to him sometimes, and right now, it just wouldn't shut up. He just couldn't let this go. He straightened up and walked closer to the bed, a worried frown deeply imprinted on his forehead.

"Promise me something."

She stopped what she was doing and threw him a curious and expecting look, urging him to continue.

"Promise me you won't stay if it gets too much. Promise me that you'll jump on the first flight to DC if anything goes wrong. Promise me you won't let … _things_ get to you and bring you down."

She held his gaze, and he could see that her eyes had gotten suspiciously shiny during his little speech. She nodded and swallowed back the tears that were definitely threatening to fall. Keeping up appearances at all times, he thought, mentally shaking his head at her stubbornness.

"I promise you that I will make it back, in one piece. I _will_ come back Tony. This is my home." Her face lit up with the promise of imminent mischief. "And really, I cannot leave you here all alone to take care of yourself, now can I?"

"Maybe I should go with you then, so _you_ can look after me?"

He had replied without thinking, in the same tit-for-tat manner they had always used during their bickering sessions, and he could tell by the surprised look on her face that she had not been expecting him to make that kind of offer either. For the second time today, Tony found himself wishing for one of Gibbs's headslaps. _I need a rewind button in my life._

"Tony." Her tone was sweet but warning. "I know what you are doing."

"Whatever it is, I'm obviously not doing it right." He sounded a little bitter, and tired, and desperate. But he felt like she was slipping away from him and he was getting downright terrified.

"Tony, look at me." There was a hint of urgency and low-key annoyance in the way she spoke. "I am fine. But I need to do this. I need to go there and take care of things. And most importantly, I need you to trust me."

"It's not you I don't trust. It's _them_." He couldn't care to hide the spite in his voice as he emphasized the last word.

"Them who?"

"Them! All of them. The people you're gonna… _see_ there. They just – ugh – they just don't know – they just don't appreciate you and it drives me crazy." There. He said it. Kind of.

"I do not care about them Tony. Everyone I care about is here." And here it was again, that look, the one she used when she wanted to say something and didn't quite know how. And right now, he could only hope he knew exactly what she was saying.

"2 weeks. That's all I'm giving you before I fly down to Tel Aviv and drag you back. And I won't hesitate to use physical force if I have to."

Ziva laughed, and Tony's heart beat a little faster. He could spend his life waiting for her if it meant he still got to make her laugh like that.

"I guess we have a deal then." She extended her hand out to him playfully but there was nothing playful in the way he grabbed it and intertwined his fingers with hers, much like how he had a few weeks before on that fateful drive back from Berlin.

"I guess we do." He knew how open and raw and in-your-face emotional he must have been looking at the moment, but he honestly didn't care if she saw it. There wasn't time to hide anymore. He needed her to see it. He needed her to see everything: how much he worried about her, how much he needed her to be okay, how much he needed her to be here. How much he loved her.

Ziva looked at their joined hands, unsuccessfully trying to stop her lips from curling up into the brightest of smiles. She suddenly seemed very self-conscious and intimidated, the rosy tint of her cheeks darkening subtly, her face half-hidden by her long brown curls, and _God_, she was just so beautiful. He felt a shift in the air around them, some sort of realization, some sort of confirmation of something that had always been there but had never really been acknowledged by either of them. And then he couldn't hold back anymore.

"When you come home, maybe we could, uh, maybe we could get together? For dinner? Or a movie? Or both? Or - " Tony shrugged, not sure what else he could suggest if she hadn't already caught on his train of thought.

"We? As in you and me?" She was teasing him, using his own words against him. Words spoken what it seems to be a lifetime ago, words he had not imagined she had grasped the true meaning of and had certainly not imagined she'd remember.

"Sounds good to me." He could barely speak through the giant – ridiculously so – grin that had now spread across his face.

Ziva pressed her lips together in a feeble attempt at keeping some sort of composure and walked him back to the front door, her hand still firmly clutched in his.

"You should go. I have to finish packing and go to bed. My flight leaves first thing in the morning." She couldn't have sounded less eager to let him go if she had tried.

As much as he wanted to stay just a little longer – and maybe a _night_ longer, if he was being honest - Tony knew that this wasn't open for debate. She had her mind set on leaving it at that for tonight and he just had to respect it. Not rushing things at this point didn't feel like a bad idea. They'd have time later. All the time in the world if they were doing this thing right. Thinking of that, he felt the last remnants of worry desert him and be replaced by a whole new sensation that strongly resembled hope and the certainty that they would, inevitably, find each other again.

Tony used his free hand to push one of her locks behind her ear, allowing his thumb to linger on her cheek a little longer. Ziva closed her eyes and he took his chance. He leaned in and dropped a feather-light kiss on her slightly parted lips.

"What was that for?" Ziva asked in a whisper.

"Giving you something else to come home for."

He looked at her one last time and stepped back into the hallway, not turning around until the very last second, finally letting go of her hand and leaving Ziva to snap out of it.

As she finally moved to close the door behind him, he turned around again, stopping her in her tracks.

"Oh, and by the way, you _tie up_ loose ends, you don't _knot_ them."

She shook her head and rolled her eyes and that was the last thing he saw before finding himself facing the white wood of her door. He strutted down the stairs feeling lighter than he ever had before and as the heavy rain drenched him to the bone on the way back to his car, Tony thought the grin he was currently sporting would never _ever_ leave his face.

_2 weeks. _

_Game on._


End file.
